Relationship Advice 3

I have fallen for someone else.......

By boyfriend and I have been together five years and last Christmas he proposed. I had no doubts that he was the man for me and I knew that he would make a wonderful father to our children.

But about a month ago I discovered something that questions the very foundation of our relationship. I discovered that I had developed very strong feelings toward someone with whom I worked very closely. And what was worse, I realized that they reciprocated those feelings.

So far we have only exchanged a kiss, but even that one small contact has told me that my future might not be with my fiance or with any man, but with a woman.

I have never felt this way about a woman before. In fact, I have always considered myself whole-heartedly heterosexual.

Is this just a phase that I am going through? Is it possible for a normally heterosexual woman, to suddenly develop sexual feelings for another woman? Should I confess all to my fiancé?

S
There are some questions to which there are no hard and fast answers and you have asked two of them.

No one can tell you whether this is a transient phase and will disappear as quickly as it arrived. It is possible that you have always harbored some lesbian tendencies, and let me say that you should not feel any shame in that. Statistics show that many people, men and women carry around some latent homosexual tendency.

This tendency does not always develop into anything and a person can live all their life and never feel an over whelming attraction to another person of the same sex, but might only be aware of a mild feeling of attraction, that they either don't consciously register or brush aside as impossible.

It is important that you ascertain whether your new sexuality is entirely homosexual or weather you are in fact AC/DC. In which case, some accommodation might be made between your two lovers. Though, having talked to many men on the subject, the general feeling is that although they like to watch lesbians in action, they draw the line at walking down the aisle with one.

As to whether you should confess all?

It sounds very much as though you have already made up your mind to at least attempt a new life, taking into account your altered sexual awakening.

If this is indeed the case, then you really have no choice but to tell your fiancé the truth, so that you can both get on your lives.

But be prepared for the backlash that will follow your confession.
It is not easy for any man to take the news that the woman he had planned to spend his life with and father children with, his run off with another man, but it will be harder still for him to understand that you have altogether rejected the love of men for that of a woman.

His ego will take a battering. There will undoubtedly be feelings of bemusement, rage and contempt. Imagine how you would feel, if the shoe were on the other foot and he confessed that he had fallen for a man at the office.

But do not let his resentment and that of the people who have known you as a couple, stop you from living your life they way you want to.

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For advice on your relationship problems, write to Stella Wright-Johnson, care of:

Wedding Chest, 7 Ratcliffe Avenue, Ryde, Isle of Wight. PO33 3DN

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Stella Wight-Johnson@weddingchest

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