Real relationship advice 2
In Laws
I'd heard all the jokes about interfering in-laws and I'd thought
that they were just that, jokes. I'd always got on with my boyfriends
parents, that is- until the day we decided to get married.
We are not rich, but we both have jobs and we intended to pay for most of the wedding ourselves. We don't live together but neither of us have lived with our parents since we left to go to college, where we met. But as soon as my fiances parents found out about our plans, they insisted on lending us a hand financially. We were grateful and not too reluctantly agreed.
Then the problems
started.
First it was the church- "Oh no, you can't get
married there!" Then the hotel at which we planned to hold
the reception; "I'm certainly not letting you waste my
money by giving it to those people." Then his mother insisted
on going with me to choose my wedding gown, which was fine,
until I realized that she intended to have final say on the
wedding gown that I should wear.
I've
come very close to telling them take their money and......
How do I tell his parents to back off, without hurting their feelings
and driving a wedge between us, that might last for years?
There's no easy way, if you want
to remain friends with your fiances mother. The easiest thing
to do is to explain bluntly, that it's your wedding and you
want to arrange it the way you want it. But not only might they
remove the offered financial assistance, but you would be starting
a cold war of your own, that might go on for years.
The subtle thing to do, is to find a way of making you future mother-in-law think that she's getting her way, while at the same time doing what you want. Make her think that all the suggestions you make, originally came from her. It is very important that you get the active support of your fiance. Don't let him take a back seat.
Another way of keeping your fiance's mother out of your hair is to give her a specific task. Something that you know that you will not mind her putting her own personal stamp on. ( see ultimate wedding planner for ideas
MOTHER IN-LAWS
I love and adore my fiance and I get on with my future father
in-law famously, but I cannot stand the pushy, overbearing,
over-critical, over-at-our-place-all-the-time Gorgon, who is
soon to be my mother in-law. If I had my way, I'd sink her feet
in concrete and plant her at the bottom of the river with a
sign on her chest saying 'BITE ME'. Is there any alternative
to murder?
If you have tried your hardest to get on with her and bent over
backward to see her point of view, haven't succeeded, then,
no, there isn't any alternative to murder. But it's still against
the law.
Unfortunately,
If you really want to make your future relationship with your
in-laws a success, then butting heads with the present queen
bee, is not a good way to start.
The question is, what turned a perfectly ordinary woman into
a Gorgon?
Was she a Gorgon before she met you?
Is it the prospect of another woman usurping her position of power over the men-folk in her life, that's making her behave unreasonably?
Or is it just you she hates? Would she hate any woman, her little boy was planning to marry.
Once you know the reason/reasons then you can start to smooth the waters or to plan her demise.
Even if you are the best cook in the world, pretend to deed her advice. Ask to borrow her secret recipe for the sauce that her son likes so much. If she offers advice, look interested and pretend that her words are like drops of distilled wisdom. Get her to see you as a daughter, rather than the son steeling nymphomaniac you really are.
If everything fails and she's still as obnoxious as ever, cancel the wedding. But if you cant imagine a life without her son, then powder the sleeping tablets and sharpen the kitchen knives and invite her to dinner.....
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