Relationship Advice 1
The
weeks and months that lead up to the big day can be one of the
most stressful times in a couples relationship. Nerves get stretched
to breaking point and time seems to speed up as the list of things
that have to be done stretches on and on.
For many people the strain proves too much and sometimes things
can be said, that in better times, wouldn't have been said.
In all the planning and the organizing, the financial juggling
and the party invitations, it's easy to forget what the whole
thing is all about and sometimes, you can feel that you'd just
like to stop the world and get off.
We hope that the suggestions to the problems that our survey of
past brides and grooms have asked, will help you get over those
moments when you start wondering whether it's all worth it.
__Stella Wright-Johnson____
Dear John..........
P
My story really starts with the letter. It was sitting on the doorstep,
as letters do. No stamp, because it had been hand delivered. I recognized
the handwriting immediately.
I suppose I should have known what was
inside. The tight, tingling feeling on the nape of my neck was like
an alarm bell.
I opened the envelope and unfolded the A5 sheet of white paper. Dear.....
The words floated off the page and imprinted themselves on my mind. Two seconds later the white page was a sprinkling of confetti on the tanned carpet.
But the words.... they were
to remain in my mind down the years, whe"I won't be
coming back to you."
"I've fallen in love with some one else...."
"We're getting married..."never I thought of her. Which
was almost every day.
A DEAR JOHN with knobs on you could say. Except my name wasn't John.
The last time I saw her, I thought we'd
come to some sort agreement about our future - a future together.
She had held up her left hand, her thumb stroking the base of her
ring finger, and said that when she'd finished her nurse training,
I'd better marry her.
Sounds a bit like a melodramatic ultimatum, but I was more than
happy to agree. I was head-over-heels in love, for the first time
in my life. Though, I don't actually recall telling her so as I
lifted her and carried her into the bedroom.
More fool me, I suppose.
Anyway, that was nearly 20 years ago.
I did glimpse her once, a few years later, and, horror of horrors,
she was pushing a pram. That really dug the knife into my belly.
Now, after all these years, I'm the one
who's about to get married.
The bans have been read; the dress has been bought; the honeymoon
organised; the reception booked and promises implicit. A happy ending
you might think.
It should have been... except......
......Except that, as I'm about to cross
the finish line and ride off into the sunset with my new love, I've
heard that my first love has divorced and is on her own.
Now here's the kicker - I ran into her the other
day and all the old feelings of anger, pain , rejection and worst
of all, love, welled up and slapped me right where it hurts the
most. In the heart.
And what did I do when when she said "Hello?"
What else, I behaved like a stupid rabbit caught in the glare of
a cars headlamps. My mouth opened but my tongue was playing dead.
My feet just kept moving and the moment was lost.
I don't know if she was hurt by my strange behavior. She just kept right on looking at the pamphlet in her hand.
Had she felt anything when she saw me?
I don't know.
Had she even given me a thought down the years?
Should I make the effort to see her and at least talk?
I've tried to hide the change in my feelings
from my fiance. But I'm not much of an actor. I dread the morning
she turns and asks-
"What's the matter? You've been a bit distant recently
and you hardly ever touch me anymore."
I've told myself over and over that I'd
be a fool to revisit the past. People say that you can't go backwards.
Is that true?
S
It may sound cold and to the point but I feel
that it is time for you to move on with your life.
Editors Interjection.
(A romantic at heart)
Normally the suggestions of Wedding Chests relationship counsellor
would follow. But in this case she has agreed (with the agreement
of the gentleman who wrote the letter), that some time should elapse
before she reply, in order to give the lady in question (first love
that is) time to contact her former love, should she feel so inclined.
A period of two weeks has been agreed upon.
So, if you who read these words know anything of this sad 'Romeo
and Juliette', then please point the lady to this page. and she
can contact the gentleman via the editor.
The rest is then down to them.
Pre-wedding Infidelity
P
It was the night of my hen
party and we'd started with a pub crawl around the streets of our
town in Hampshire. I was wearing a veil, a tight black dress and
the smile of the almost inebriated. We were having a great time,
laughing and joking, flirting and doing what girls do when one of
them is about to get married.
After the tenth pub, we decided to head off to a local disco. The
girls and I had been going there for years and the bouncers often
let us in free.
We had a few more drinks and it had really gone to my head when
this guy tapped me on the shoulder. He knew all the lines- you know
the ones that usually make women cringe, but somehow that night
I found myself going along with it, and soon we were dancing and
then kissing.
To cut a long story short, inside half an hour I let him take me
outside to the car park, where we got into the back of his car and
you can guess the rest.
Afterward, I think I threw up on the ground and made my way back
inside and carried on drinking. My friends haven't said anything,
although I'm sure they all know.
I get married next week and I'm scared that I will either run into
the guy, even though I'm not certain I'd even recognize him, or
that one of by friends will let by secret out to someone who will
then blab to by fiance.
I suppose I could blame the booze, but deep down I have to admit
that I knew what I was doing, and I could have tried to stop him
at any time.
I do love my fiance and really want us to make a life together,
so why did I have to have that fling with that stranger?
Should I come clean and tell my fiance and beg him to forgive me?
Should I just call it off, without giving him the real reason? Or
should I just go ahead with it and hope that my secret will stay
buried forever.
S
The first thing you have to know is, can you thrust your
girlfriends to take your secret to their graves? If you don't know,
then find out. But remember, people will swear on a stack of bibles
one day, then get pissed and start blabbing tomorrow, and you of
all people know the effects of too much booze.
Second, you really have to ask yourself why you did it. You admit
that you could have stopped yourself before the deed was done. So
why didn't you? Is there some little part of you that doesn't want
to walk down the aisle. If so, now would be a good time to admit
it to yourself, stop the train and get off before there's a wreck.
Lastly, if this was just a one off aberration (you need to be absolutely
honest with yourself) - if you are sure that your fiance will understand
that you were acting under the influence of alcohol - if you are
really and truly sorry and will do anything to make it up to him,
then you might take a chance and confess. But that's a lot of ifs.
But I have to warn you, men are less forgiving than women. And such
a confession, even if it doesn't cause an immediate explosion, can
be like acid and eat away at the soul until there's nothing left
but ashes.
If you tell him now, he will hate you for a while and he might forgive
you. If you don't tell him, he will hate you if he finds out later.
He may never find out and so will never hate you. You might not
really want to spend you life with him, if you were willing to make
love to another man on the eve of your wedding. Or are you really
and truly a victim of alcohol induced infidelity.
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